[The same post, pre- and post-editing. I love how Jon is catching himself even in the first draft: in the third sentence, he slides into his old favorite past perfect tense, but then switches back to past tense. His teacher reports that when she sits down to edit with him, he often starts to analyze the piece himself. “Wait, that’s repetition,” he said as he then spontaneously cut a section out in front of her. -P]
Reptila
I went to Reptila on a big bus. When I got there I saw some reptiles. I was seeing the frogs And I saw the snakes. I also saw the lizards and I saw some turtles. After seeing the reptiles it was time for lunch. I had lemon chicken. I watched them feed the crocodiles After Lunch we went back on the big bus to go to school.
[Edited version]
Reptilia
I went to Reptilia on a big bus. When I got there I saw some reptiles and amphibians. I saw frogs snakes, lizards, turtles, crocodiles, alligators, and some fish. Then it was time for lunch. I had lemon chicken and noodles. After lunch I watched them feed the crocodiles. I had a great time. Then we went back on the big bus to go to school.
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Auntie Patti says:
April 10, 2008 at 1:42 pm (UTC 0)
Cool field trip Jon. It sounds like you had a lot of fun!
Pamela Cook says:
April 15, 2008 at 8:59 pm (UTC 0)
Hello Jon I am glad you had a wonderful time on your school trip. That sound’s exciting even your lunch sounded good. Yumm……