Suggestions for Increasing Communication/Compliance from Jonathan
MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!
Engage Jonathan in meaningful conversation whenever the opportunity arises. Include him in conversations that are occurring around him. It will help make him feel important and respected.
BE PATIENT!
WAIT for his response. Allow him the time he requires to respond to you. DO NOT ANSWER FOR HIM! Make sure he is aware of your expectation: HE IS EXPECTED TO RESPOND AND COMMUNICATE WITH YOU!
Here are some suggestions to follow:
1. GAIN HIS ATTENTION
Say/call Jon’s name. Wait.
2. GAIN EYE CONTACT
If he doesn’t look at you on his own, direct him with, “Jon, look at me.”
3. SAY HIS NAME AGAIN before you give him a direction or ask him a question. (This is important if there are more than just the two of you and/or other conversations are going on around you. this way he’ll know you are speaking to him.
4. WAIT FOR JONATHAN’S RESPONSE
WAIT! If no response in 30 seconds, tell him “I’m waiting for your answer/choice.”
Wait up to 15 more seconds; if no response tell him, “I’m waiting. If you don’t choose, I will make the choice for you.” IT IS IMPORTANT TO ALLOW JON THE TIME TO PROCESS DIRECTIONS/QUESTIONS. When Jon puts his head back and his eyes roll up and back, he is thinking and/or trying to find the answer in his stored memory. Acknowledge this! Say “I see you’re thinking and I’m still waiting for your answer.”
Wait 10 more seconds. No response, you choose. “I choose _______ for you.”
5. USE STATEMENTS
Present instructions and requests in the form of statements/directions rather than questions when possible. This is especially important for Jon if the response you want is an action. For example, “Jonathan, show me where your head is supposed to be”. This limits the choices he can make (he lifts his head).
If you’re looking for a specific verbal response, give him a direction as in “Tell me why you like it.”
6. TO FIND OUT JON’S CHOICES FOR WANTS, LIKES, OR PREFERRED ACTIVITY:
–Direct him to choose one from three choices offered by you.
This limits his responses and all of the choices are acceptable to you as you decided what they would be ahead of time. This ensures that you will be able to follow through on his decision. Example: “Jonathan, tell me what you want to do right now….work on your computer, watch TV or listen to music. Choose one.” He can’t very well say “I want to go kayaking!” REPEAT CHOICES IF NECESSARY! This way works for both of you: It helps him feel he has some control over his day/life. It’s empowering!
–Ask him an open-ended question only if his choices are unlimited!
Be prepared to offer him whatever he chooses or else he can become understandably upset when you can’t follow through.
7. SHOW JON THAT WORDS HAVE POWER. ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH.
Once a choice is made he must stick with it! You too!
8. BEST ADVICE I GIVE PARENTS: SAY WHAT YOU MEAN/MEAN WHAT YOU SAY/ALWAYS BE CONSISTENT
Be clear and direct when you express your expectations of Jon.
Never make promises you can’t keep! This includes positive consequences for positive behaviour choices as well as negative consequences for negative choices. You have to mean what you say in order to earn his trust and respect.
Behaviour expectations and rules must be consistent in order for Jon to feel secure and confident in knowing what to expect. Otherwise he will become confused and will constantly test his boundaries.
9. ROUTINES PROVIDE STRUCTURE
They promote a sense of security and well being.
If routines are going to be changed it would be less stressful for Jon if he was included in the conversation and or when possible, the decision-making process. For example, “Jon, we can’t do _______ today because _________. But, we can do ___________ or _____________. You choose.”
10. BE POSITIVE
Instead of focusing on what you don’t want him to do, focus on what you do want him to do. Don’t say, “Jon, don’t put your head on your knees.” Instead say, “Jon, show me where your head should be.”
11. GIVE SPECIFIC REINFORCEMENT
Reinforce Jon when he follows through on instructions. Try to keep the reinforcement specific to the behaviour so Jon’s clear about what you want. “Good choosing!” “Nice sitting up!” “Nice waiting!”
12. ENCOURAGE FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO HAVE THE SAME COMMUNICATION AND COMPLIANCE EXPECTATIONS AS YOU DO
The sooner Jon figures out that there aren’t different rules for different people, the more consistent he’ll become in his own choices. His response times to requests and conversations will speed up. He will feel respected and important and will respect those interacting with him. Otherwise, he will just ignore them and not make the effort.